| I found another good story on soompi! "Sometimes when you least expect it, when you’re finally getting back into the hang of things, love creeps up on you. It finds you single, fairly happy with the proceedings of your life, and it completely turns your world around. Somehow it’s funny that love never comes you most need it, but when you’ve just began to learn to live without it. It makes you sporadic, completely blissful one day and completely miserable the next.
I’d like to officially say that I have never always been this way. All of us women, when we started off, we couldn’t care less about you with your cocky smile and attitude to match. Before we nagged you “all the time”, wondered where you were, and wondered who you were with, we were functioning pretty well. Then you come along. Sleepovers with friends turn into night long discussions of our frustrations with you. Best friends sometimes become worst enemies, and whoever wins enjoys at best, a phyrric victory. And more often than not, when its all over, we will secretly vow to lay off the men, join a monastery perhaps, and grow old with many cats.
So you would completely understand me when I say that this time around, my first reaction was “no way, not me again”. But something in me, maybe the little girl who still thought that there was someone out there, got me to start thinking “hey maybe it’ll be different this time”. And so, similar to how we all are, how even with our paranoia, we tend to believe the best in people, and I tried to open myself up to the possibility that this was it. I mean I totally understand what our parents tell us that the chances of finding your soulmate when you’re still a teenager are steep, but there still a chance then right?
For a while, I am happy, you could say happier than I have ever been. I have this stupid smile plastered on my face that I can’t seem to get rid of. All love songs seem to be talking to me on an incredibly personal level. My friends go from happy to slightly annoyed at how often I mention your name. For a while, it is bliss. And then like all statistics show, it is over not much later than when it first began. Whether it ends because you and I fought a lot, or there was another girl, or another guy, or we just didn’t want the same things anymore, it hurts all the same.
And then I cry. I try not to, but that just makes the feeling worse. People tell me that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Others send you empowering messages such as “To all the men that think they don’t need to buy the cow because the milk is free, more women are wising up to the fact that for 7 ounces of sausage it isn’t worth buying the whole pig”. I get a haircut. I go through a phase where I can’t get out of bed. And a slightly embarassing period of time when I laugh extra loud in your presence, and pretend for the sake of my dignity, that everything that happened didn’t phase me. There is a time where I physically wrestle with myself not to text or IM you, and especially not to send you a mistext (that move is pathetic). It comes to point that I will talk to anyone who will listen, even if it is a complete stranger I just met a few minutes ago, because I feel that telling the story enough times will help me accept it. I try to be your friend, but things aren’t the same anymore, and I am done being the martyr here.
I’m not completely blaming you, maybe I did change, maybe I wasn’t the girl you first met. But is that supposed to be a problem? You sure weren’t the guy I first made you out to be, and if you were I wouldn’t be around. If love somehow softened your jagged corners in my eyes, love made you believe that how we started off was how you expected us to be forever. You never counted on it being hard, or painful at times, and you left at the first sign of turbulence. Maybe you were right then, that the day you and I became we, was the first day in the countdown to the end of us. Because you and I, we wanted different things.
And as hard as as long as it takes to me realize it, I am slowly moving on with my life. And although I feel a chunk of the old me is missing somehow, I am carrying something new with me. As much as I’d hate to admit it, I’ve left a part of myself with you, and I took a little bit of you too." Don't worry! I'm not emo. It was just like a story I read that sorta related to the Jennifer-from-2-weeks-ago. hahaha now, things are pretty chill. ask me about it! :) |
